Now that you know the ten ways to kill your eBay business, how about we explore what to do if you want to do the opposite, and make a success of it? The next email will give you ten steps to successful selling on eBay.
Steps to Successful
July 12th, 2010Luckily
July 12th, 2010
Use reserve auctions: Now, this is a fairly
controversial final choice, but it really is one
of the best ways to scare away your customers.
They’ll see ‘reserve not yet met’, and click that
‘back’ button before you know it. Luckily, they
can always bid in a normal auction for the item
somewhere else.
Write Descriptions
July 11th, 2010
Write short descriptions: Be as brief as possible,
and use lots of mysterious abbreviations. This
obviously makes you look very cool. You can even
just write the title again in the description box.
Think of the effort you’ll save!
Photos
July 11th, 2010
Don’t take photos: It’s such trouble, after all.
If buyers are picky enough to actually want to see
items before they bid on them, then screw ‘em,
that’s what I say.
Listings Ugly
July 10th, 2010
Make your listings ugly: As many colours, flashing
lights and animations as possible will really
give those customers a headache. Write as much in
CAPITALS!!!! as you can. Preferably big, red
capitals. Be sure to use the fonts Impact and
Comic Sans. For an extra special touch, see if you
can figure out a way to add some music.
Feel Good
July 10th, 2010
Refuse to give discounts: You know what your items
cost, you know what your profit margin is going
to be, and you’re not going to negotiate. Remember
that giving customers special deals might make
them feel good and come back to you again.
Sell Rubbish
July 9th, 2010Sell rubbish: Really, it’s just eBay. You can just sell any old tat from the market for a 200% profit. Let quality be someone else’s concern – I mean, really, what do they expect for that price?
Give Informed
July 9th, 2010
Don’t bother with email: Customers are just
timewasters anyway. eBay businesses are supposed
to run themselves! Never give informed responses
to questions about your item.
Few People
July 8th, 2010
Let items end anytime: Few people will be around
to care about your auction if it ends in the
middle of the night. Why go to the trouble of
working out whether auctions will end at a good
time?
Works Fine
July 8th, 2010
Lie about an item: Say it works fine when it
sometimes doesn’t work. Say it’s in perfect
condition when it has a scratch. Your customers
will hate you!
Post whenever you feel like it: Make sure to leave
your customers hanging around, wondering when
their item is going to turn up. This makes sure
they buy from someone else next time.